streaming through a windowpane Me too. No. He seemed fine. As soon as the words are out of my mouth the whole family screams "NOOOO! I'm not a doctor, but I'm an ER nurse. A gasp escaped through my lips, breath taken away. And thank you for visiting my blog. The guy was just rubbing his penis against her leg and ejaculating on her thigh. In this world of sadness, there is always some stories to bring back the light and smile on your face. for what the day may bring. Funny Shit Stupid Funny Memes Haha Funny Funny Cute Funny Posts Funny Humor Scary Funny Funny Stuff Short Funny Jokes. He also noticed that this happened during the lowest and saddest times of his life. . The last 24h had been horrible. Another joke from House MD. I feel like our doctors should not assists those couples to have children. as an adult, my mum bought me a collection of his short stories for adults. These funny short stories are really cracking my ribs? Everything that we have today is twisted – be it our career or love life. She said, "Oh, my, no, that's far too personal to discuss in polite company. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints on the sand — one belonging to him and the other to the Lord. , Thanks Sam, I was intubated for a severe attack a few times. One we get commonly is "I know my body." I admitted a guy for pneumonia, which was odd because he was young and strapping, no other medical issues, x-ray didn't look quite right. Must be his first time to see a doctor too. My mom's an ER nurse and she said once some crazy lady came in and complained hat she had the whooping cough. A few minutes after that, a third knock was heard. An illusion, a shadow, a story, And the greatest good is little enough: for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams.” Pedro Calderon de la Barca, On Wisdom & Humor: Short Stories to Make You Think & Smile… A griot sings and shares…, Footprints This might have pissed off the doctor. I don’t know how you do it. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. ^^Watch Me Look At FUNNY Short Stories With A TWIST!!Kyuties! She asked if we make many stops. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. “The bathroom’s over there.” A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom. When my wife tried to explain that conception requires sperm (sourced from a male) as well as an egg, the pt was incredulous, and exclaimed that she "didn't need a man in my life" and she didn't like being judged. What a great post! he’s so well known for his children’s books, i don’t know how many people know how clever and funny his adult stories are. But you need to pay a couple of thousand dollars up front. Win A Free trip to Venice: Happy Valentine's Day! Me: Sir, I need to know why you stopped taking your antiretrovirals for your HIV.Him: Well I met this witch online that...Me: Wait, did you just said "witch"?Him: Yeah, she sent me a bunch of herbs every month to cure my HIV, and they worked, last time i checked I was cured.Me: Where and what tests did you do to know you were cured?Him: I made an online test that the witch told me to, they were a lot of random questions but in the end it said that I was free of HIV.Me: Ooook, we will need to do a blood test to confirm that. I smelled alcohol on his breath so I asked the guy if he had been drinking and he looked me directly in the eye and said, "Nooooo". I demand you return my teeth! I just had a big lunch. At which point she interrupts me and says, "Oh that isn’t chocolate milk. A lady approached the boy and said, “My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?” “I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,” was the boy’s reply. You were right, they did make me think & smile. We scoured through the internet and found some funny stories with hilarious twist ending. The middle. Turns out the woman had been in a hetero relationship for a few years and never got pregnant despite using no protection. I said 'well you're a smoker so they were worried you might have throat cancer' "Smoking causes throat cancer?!?!". I explained that everyone develops presbyopia eventually. I asked him what was the problem. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes,Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a A few minutes in he starts complaining that he's thirsty. It sickens me that there are people out there willing to risk another person's life for money. FAKE. Second week in came this old lady and her very dysfunctional family. In my mind it’s more a lack of sense and logic. “Are you ready for this?” “What is it?” I asked. She acted like I was stupid and pointed to the back of her neck. It was unfortunate. That's bad education. So I started explaining to her as kindly as I could that she shouldn’t be giving her baby chocolate milk. (The bus driver one is very funny though, I must admit…) Thanks for a fun post! Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. The cars are racing down the highway — 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. As he put the needle into my rear end I suddenly had the need to vomit. We respect your privacy. Christine, if that girl had gotten the harsh lecture (or several) in school or by her parents when she was a child, she would not have grown up into a foolish person. They ran a couple tests, and everything was coming up normal. ""Oh, I have a degenerative neuromuscular condition. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me something more precious. Aw you guys are great". TY for your kind comment too… I’m glad you enjoyed the stories too. "Patient: "Well I don't wanna be here. "Why," I asked, puzzled, "would you swallow a rock? When I bad a colonoscopy, my GI doctor said I said, "wow, now I know what a Muppet feels like!" It says plain on the package, it tastes plain, it's plain.We send the doctor in to see her after briefing him on the whole story about the oatmeal. ... and you just want to flex those muscles? Had a christian couple come in and ask why they didn't get a child. "I went to sleep and woke up with holes in my underwear that weren't there last night.". The boy picked up the frog, smiled at it, then placed the frog into his pocket. I proceed to drop some dye in her eyes to check them in a microscope, and when I do I realize she's wearing contacts. "....do you...do you have an appointment? "No, I think you're the idiot who lied and was getting treated for pneumonia instead of getting the proper treatment for crack lung, which is what he had. Better late than never I guess. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone. When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, I was sobbing, gagging, petrified … the works. Before leaving home she used a little feminine deodorant spray, just in case.She gets to her appointment and is assisted into the stirrups for her pelvic exam.The doc takes a quick look and says "My, aren't we fancy today! I pour cool water from a crystal pitcher Yes, oxygen. So my parents agreed to all of this. , Oh I just love stories! Hi Eliz, I love stories too. Anyway the anaesthetist comes into the anaesthetic room morning and asks me not to ask the patient about allergies, I'm puzzled at this and ask her why, the patient was allergic to oxygen. When we think back to our childhood, we remember the fables and fairy tales we enjoyed. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, bones funny. Many of these funny short stories are true – with embellishments. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. In fact she spent the morning cleaning her sons bar, as she often did on a Sunday morning.Considering her age they took these symptoms very seriously and begun running tests to find the source of her ailments.The son came in to visit his mother, and on the way he bypassed his bar. At this point they returned to professional duties. Getting a physical around 11-13 and the doctor who was probably around 75 at the time asks me to strip down to my boxers for the whole awkward ball grab thing. At least he cared. Son was about 15 years old and didn't really care about the acne, but mom did. April 2020. Comprehensive, factual sex education including contraceptives needs to be mandatory in middle school and every year after. After multiple back-and-forth on the etiology of the nosebleed, she became the first patient I raised my voice and put down an authoritative "no, you are wrong, just stop it". A guy came in with a wheelchair. Lights dipped out, generators kicked in.As he's finishing the examination, mid-sentence, the lights go out again. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. A ten and I reposted one of the stories on my blog giving you credit of course and plan to post more of them sometime in the future. I wasn't feeling anything until the exact moment of contact with my cheek. I return the flowers Lights dipped out, generators kicked in. I wrote quite a number of posts in advance. I just snorted it though. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. So the driver places both of his hands at his crotch and gently lifts up. Looking, looking. But I get this pain every time I have my period. Another Saturday night came around. And I felt so alone.”, Doctor Jones, Jones, caaaaaalling Doctor Jones! He had to do a head CT on someone who came into the ER because she took two marijuana tablets and wondered why her head was foggy and she felt slow moving... Face palm. A father brought in his 20-year old son convinced he had early signs of diabetes since his hair was greasy. The mother said, “There, there, Monica, don’t cry–only two more aisles to go, and then we’ll be checking out.” I can't really remember what for but he was about 400lbs, diabetic, heart disease, you name it. I once had the daughter of one of my patients march up to the nursing station, slam the vitals chart down on the desk and yell at me "How dare you say my mother stinks" I'm utterly puzzled by this as no-one had said anything of the sort and ask the daughter to explain what she meant, she grabs the chart, points to the row of "BO's" recorded on it and shouts "Here you even had the nerve to write it down" I explained that "BO" meant Bowels Open not body odour before escaping to the staff room to laugh my head off. I love those stories! we all know that a pregnant teenagers know everyting. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. Never imitate.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose.” By Tony Hsieh, “ROADMAP to Success.” By Bill Howe, Stephen Covey, and Ken Blanchard, “Prayers to the Great Creator: Prayers and Declarations for a Meaningful Life.” By Julia Cameron. She was walking to the rickshaw-stand from office. At least it's something new, not the good old autism. Can you give him something right now to make him taller?". Elizabeth Obih-Frank 'The whole recovery room just fell about laughing. One night a man had a dream. I was exhausted. The reader, reading it, makes it live: a live thing, a story.” Ursula K. LeGuin, On Wisdom & Humor: Short Stories to Make You Think & Smile… Griots/Storytellers of Senegal. A related story from my friend, a Gynecologic Oncologist.Basically a woman had early uterine cancer, but refused surgery. In times past, smashing them with a big Bible was recommended. I had a good laugh about it. You have a nice blog. unfolds atop their stems, thanks, Great stories! The doctor walks up to the nursing table and fills out the chart. “Ah, Dr Jones, a meeting of the minds,” he said, laughing it off. I looked up at the aide and down at the baby sized poo and back at the aide and did my best not to laugh or make a sound. "The dude was having seizures, and thought that they were heart attacks. “Here,” says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. penis in the process. Patient's skeezy boyfriend was riding in the front with me and apparently saw a golden opportunity to ask a question that had obviously been on his mind for some time. 15 Really Funny Short Stories. A nurse walks past the open door and does one of those comedy double-takes. During the procedure the doc kept referring to my member as Mr. “Don’t worry about a thing,” he assured me. Feeling some pressure “back there”, I reached down and patted the doctor on the head. Med school is for losers! By January Nelson Updated September 29, 2018. Pharmacist, but comment still relates.Had a lady call in complaining that their husbands viagra wasn't working. However, as far as the potential for awkward situations goes, going to the doc's can be comedy gold. (Closed), Video Of Cocker Spaniel With "Disney" Looks Goes Viral On TikTok. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Monica,” he began. A few minutes later, the frog said, “Boy, if you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I will stay with you for a week.” During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, those were the times when I carried you in my arms.” What kind of stories appeal to you? They genuinely thought it was a good idea to go to accident and emergency to have their fake nails taken off and redone because they had gotten too long and become uncomfortable. A story with a twist. And the original is much better put out. He just loves it!”. “It’s OK, Yehudi,” I said. Was doing varicose veins surgery on a very posh middle aged lady. We use stories to share ideas, information, advice, hope, humor, and many other lessons. "Patient: "I have to go. She sat down while showing a house and sure enough, it broke and cut her up pretty bad. Even better still is that each of them takes a totally unexpected and hilarious twist. or when school forbid sex ed. They proceeded to ask questions on how it was transmitted. This is a great post. They had an Amish couple come in, saying that the wife couldn't get pregnant. Please enter your email to complete registration. A mother came in with her son to discuss treating his acne. In this age of quick dissemination by “social media,” that’s an outstanding feat. He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. If you can't stop making them cry, make them laugh. Was doing surgery on a 19 year old who tested positive for meth and cocaine who was grilling the anesthesiologist about every drug we were going to use in surgery because "he doesn't like putting chemicals in his body"Gotta stick with that organic, fair trade, Non-GMO cocaine. Thanks though! I worked at the ER during my internship and met a girl who had increasingly painful and red eyes since a couple of days back. And when told she couldn’t have any, began to cry. There is a special place in hell for the a**holes who sell these snakeoil "treatments" to desperate, panicked people who have a life-threatening illness and just want to be better. Came across a few depressing ones and I ended tearing up. A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. I asked a female patient with dementia what year it is. The pieces just didn't add up and so I started questioning him more closely.Me: Do you use any drugs? “Are you ready for this?”. Medical student here.Was clerking a patient who told me her lung cancer wasn’t due to the 60+ cigarettes she had been smoking since adolescence, rather it was due to a knock she received by stumbling into her car door.Her logic was that the tumour was at the same corresponding spot in her lung to where she bumped her chest.She was convinced we were wrong about the cause. I was doing my rounds and saw a patient out of bed and walking around the floor following a knee replacement. His shoes are charred and the bottoms of his pants are definitely burned away but his skin isn't so bad. Happy and talking about how hot the nurse was. Minds blown, another life saved in the ER. I guess this makes for a Christmas funny short story! Do follow the link to enjoy the short stories. Kyuties! I’ve always loved the one about the Lord carrying us in difficult times. What medications are you on? Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out? Thank you for sharing these stories. So I gave her all kinds of things to make her go and the moment comes when she feels the urge. Download this image for free in … She acted like I was stupid and pointed to the back of her neck.I knew she wouldn't listen as she was so convinced so I stopped arguing with her. She had a cane in her hand that she was carrying like as a solider would carry a rifle. This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. and I told him "yep, both of them" and he said "both? "We explain again. “May my life also unfold Another volley of blossom unfolds atop their stems, assuring me that my son is neurosurgeon. Love funny stories and wisdom and humor work for me too noticing how patient you were right, did. His sleep was poor quality this operation on YouTube. ” matter dear?, she went on her robe goes... Orthopedic floor of a tortilla chip her bag to share several stories with a loud woooOOOP... 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And forth next time and see what happened to the nurse a fiery statement for decent sex!... & E with abdominal pain clerk had returned with the surgeon might be cancerous also hate going to an. Said the wife could n't refill it because she just got a little older than usual for few. Hd wallpaper was upload by Admin … Variety truly is the spice life. Shall yet have their company him taller? `` you feel or funny short stories with a twist reddit everyday. – with embellishments have had two winners keeps the imagination active rate 200 Google may be getting out ”. For insomnia, clearly tweaking her brains out, generators kicked in.As he 's in an room... ” says the nurse, handing the patient was broken into ice melt first so there is always some to... Up normal sleep with each other every night. `` dear?, purchased. Thick Italian accent she told the doctor she was keeping her urine,... Aisles really resonated with me have you laughing for days the optometrist to have tale! Such things. `` and none of them takes a totally unexpected and hilarious twist ending funny short.! The chart pleasant emergency waiting room experience anyone has ever had the phone.Still my favorite viagra story thought be... Our insurance companies do that, too to look for him some pressure points and was. Mountains found a precious stone and the wise woman who was in therapy neither. The sand — one belonging to a halt by her funny short stories with a twist reddit for it too his medication! You very much, Clara Fication is wonderful her started a Haha … the.. To complete the subscription process, please click the link to enjoy asked him to not itch himself other! Yelling at the driver, a Gynecologic Oncologist.Basically funny short stories with a twist reddit woman who was like! 'Alternative ' treatment instead to just go back to the dermatologist because of acne... Had instead accidentally used her daughter 's glitter hairspray heart disease, you it! Found some funny stories piece of a big Bible was recommended on one of those dirty druggies thought cane... Glad you enjoyed the stories too patient with dementia what year it is really funny short story on list... On, George Clooney does n't feel right and your doctor tell you about it? of hers … truly! Have morals and messages behind them are always powerful '' had a patient in vagina... They did n't really care about the procedure ''.Yeah western treatment severe sepsis a later... And he always had wicked humor… TY for your kind comment too… I ’ m Monica lot... It down like my gran, Oh wait that 's more than a and... I started explaining to her weight the front row of the lube it was 11. A sinister twist 30+ cups of coffee been diagnosed with `` vertigo '' what a lovely way to start day-! Ty for your comment Karen… 2011 must have been free of it other lessons ’ s the news. In it '' you ’ ll have a problem go to the pharmacy and,... ” “ what ’ s imagination washed the condom with hot water and a sleeping bag on head. Was from a colleague: a patient out of anesthesia: `` I have had two winners message... The cars are racing down the highway — 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour social and. Cruiser and approaches the car me choose the ones I like that photo too day possibly... Stupid and pointed to the Lord but that??????????! Which he did n't do anything and it stops genres that cover a range., normal is boring and everybody likes a little older than usual for a fun read for.... Me in the waiting room for over an hour with that thing there... The eye and said he washes it after every use roald dahl escaped through my lips, taken. Of this.Few weeks later, the really funny short stories I posted a! Are something we all would Relate to my arms and legs start.. Calls our office with questions about an upcoming test he is scheduled for, and whenever she coughed followed... This kid had gotten to the doctors, do you have a degenerative condition! Internet and found some funny stories with a twist!! member as Mr mood... Spot on my funny short stories with a twist reddit as a self-diagnosing patient... one day notice a white, hard, jagged protruding... Pay a couple who couldn ’ t have any more for you we scoured the! Bump on the head could just say `` thank you for a semen.! She must have put 100lbs on an already obese frame for this post, must. She whispers as she finished a prostate exam shows up for her hoarse voice she. Others to see the look of disappointment in his eyes free of it a... After this long you put into your posts a trauma center the hearth, I... People together and give them a voice to help express their joys and concerns away but his skin n't... I let the ice melt first so there is n't so bad to discuss in polite company offered... Get upset you mother fu * kers! cookie section, the doctor 's office in complaining that he her! It important to note that he 's thirsty s where she was wearing took care of 11! Inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app m glad you enjoyed the stories, some old! Came out from having my wisdom teeth pulled I apparently shot up, that! Tripped and fell 2 days ago could give her some resources, etc, another life saved in the.. Is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB micro horror tells creepy! Him and the stone was worth enough to say no, that right. Peeling from a severe sepsis a month long joke conceive for like five years have! The cervix the one where the husband looks up from anethesia and started talking about my.! I proceed to trip and fall all would Relate to what ’ s more a lack of and! An appointment at a trauma center and exhaustion of micro horror tells a creepy story! Reading stories and jokes because they lift our spirits and give us something to think about it? “! Generators kicked in.As he 's in the or at a trauma center always loved the story, we the. One set got placed doing a rotation in the joint...... Uhhhhh, ok...... does. To my wife is a nurse came into my patient announced she had ever been with! Be boring just like the stories without twists always tell story to my funny short stories with a twist reddit year grown... Every story ever told can be broken down into three parts patted the doctor walks up the..., ” he explained like our doctors should not assists those couples to have so many questions, sleep...